Why Do We Do What We Do?

My first post generated quite a bit of negative reaction from several individuals who I respect and looking back on it I can see why, especially with the aid of their perspective.

I had talked about the "real" reason for people leaving the church, rather than, say, their stated reason. That "real" reason, that I was suggesting, was the praise they got from leaving.

I don't think that's generally the reason people leave.

Usually it's because they stop believing in its truth claims, often because they think the church is not as virtuous as they once thought it was and/or because of their understanding of the evidence against, for example, the Book of Mormon or Joseph's role as a prophet.

But I also think that people don't usually know what all their motivations are. In my experience, and in my education (I have a B.S. in psychology), people often behave in certain ways due (in part) to social cues that they are given that they may not be fully aware of. And praise and shame are strong motivating factors and can influence people much more than they realize.

It affects me as much as anyone else. I'm not exempting myself from this, so if you want to say, "You stay in the church because you get praise and because you'd get shame for leaving" well... I have to admit you're right. Or, at least that's part of the reason. Indeed, I'm motivated in the same degree you are for your choices. 

So I sometimes ponder about what motivates people to leave or to stay or to hold an unpopular belief or to abandon a belief, whether it's popular or not. In my opinion, it is rarely unaffected by motivations that bear little relation to the rationality of the belief. It is sometimes due to the perceived rationality of the belief that our peers hold.

So I cannot believe that public praise and shame have nothing to do with why people leave. Every person is different, but I would be surprised if embarrassment over particular mormon beliefs, history or practices did not play a role in motivating leaving.

Consider this: have you ever told someone you are mormon and felt anxiety about it? Have you ever felt like you have to explain that you are not a polygamist, that you don't hate gays, that you don't think that you're getting a planet after you die or some other weird belief? Have you ever felt motivated to say "I'm mormon, but not like those mormons?" Have you ever perceived that someone's opinion of you lessened when they found out you are mormon?

If yes... then maybe that was a part of your motivation for leaving.

On the other hand, praise and shame work to keep people from leaving too. Pressure to stay by family and friends and habits is real. Maybe it's always harder to leave than to stay and therefore those who leave are courageous by definition.

In the end, Lehi is right when he says that there is opposition in all things.