Anxiety, Peace and the Temple

I always have anxiety about going to the temple. It is like a stiff emotional wind that blows from the temple, pushing me away, making me not want to think about it. I don't know why.

I also sometimes have anxiety while in the temple. Especially when I think I've forgotten a certain things I'm supposed to remember or a certain article of clothing.

But far more often, I notice that when I step into the temple, my general anxiety about everything (work, relationships, life in general) drops away.

It has sometimes brought me to tears, even as I stand in the locker room and I can tell that my anxiety has disappeared. It is like a miracle to me and I can just stand or sit and feel a peace that I often lack in my life. In the temple, I know that everything will be okay, that God loves me, that there is an essential meaningfulness to life. A GOOD meaning. That there is no reason for the despair, negativity, nihilism and cynicism so pervasive in our society.

Some of the harsher critics of Mormonism and the LDS church talk as if the church is rotten to the core. The leaders are all Monty Burns-style corporate autocrats seeking to enslave mankind to their twisted dogma.
Those kinds of caracatures of the church and its leadership are so ridiculously wrong, it's hard to even know where to begin to respond to them. But when I worship in the temple and feel the spirit of the House of the Lord, I know that the core of Mormonism is pure and simple and beautiful.

The Brethren aren't perfect, the members aren't perfect, the traditions aren't perfect. Sometimes we're judgmental, insensitive, and biased. But the church teaches us to love our neighbor and love our God and we put tons of effort into doing that. So do the Brethren. We try damn hard to be good people and do the right thing and I think that God smiles on us, especially when we worship Him in His temples. It's where we go to get in touch with Him and it works.

So it's a mystery to me that I always feel anxiety about actually going there. I always leave the temple feeling happy, renewed. So why would I feel anxious about going?

I think that C.S. Lewis hit on why. He taught that God is good, but He is not SAFE. He will wring you out, change you in fundamental ways. His power is so great that it's frightening and you know that His justice is perfect. That He knows you do not meet His standards. That His justice should blow you away.

So you have to believe that Jesus will protect you with His grace. He will bear your sins so that you can approach God. To the extent you don't trust Jesus's atoning sacrifice, you will have anxiety about going to the temple. That is my theory anyway.

What do you think about the temple?