Thursday, September 12, 2019

To My Children (a work in progress)



I wanted to write down some things that I hope you will remember throughout your lives and that might benefit you and your own children when you have them. Through mistakes and failures and successes I’ve learned some things and through some deep thinking I’ve come to certain conclusions that I want to share with you. Please be patient with me as you consider what I have to say.
I.                  
The foundation of our culture is found in the first few books of the bible. Even the values of modern non-believers are inherited from Christian civilization, which is taken from the Jewish bible. The old testament. There we learn that we are made in the image of God.
This has at least four big consequences.
1. We are each of great individual worth and so we should never believe the devil or bullies when they tell us that we’re terrible, worthless, ugly or failures. We aren’t. We have great worth and we will triumph.
2. Other people also have great worth. We must be kind and respect their status as children of God as well. This is the basis of natural rights that we find in the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.
3. We have a creator. This means we must have humility and pride. Humility in that we are not the most important thing in existence, but pride in knowing that He created us, we are divine (at least in part) and He is our loving father.
4. This world is made for us. We can use our divine reasoning skills to discover the logical and rational order in the world. Science works because we expect law in nature and we expect law in nature because we believe in a law-giver. So, contrary to what you may hear, science is based on the expectation that there’s a benevolent God.
I hope that you will watch Dennis Prager’s videos on the ten commandments to understand further.
There are some things in the old testament that are weird or not according to our values. But our modern values stem from the good found in the old testament. I see the old testament as a garden with the best fruit and some weeds. Ignore the weeds, take the fruit.
II.                 
The Book of Mormon is true. I have a testimony that it is true, born to me by the Holy Ghost. I also have a degree in psychology. I have thought long and hard about whether or not I could be mistaken about the Holy Ghost or that it is just fantasy or wishful thinking. I have concluded that it is not. My experiences have sometimes felt like pure intelligence flowing into me. It’s like I’m a dried up plant getting water and soaking it up for new life.
It always COULD be an illusion, but only insofar as EVERYTHING could be an illusion. Maybe this whole life is just a virtual reality simulation. But to take that too seriously would lead to insanity.
There’s also a lot of evidence for the Book of Mormon. You can find it if you want. In any case, I hope that after I am gone, you will read the Book of Mormon at least once every 3 years. I ask you this in the most serious way I can. If you love me, read the Book of Mormon, whether you believe it or not.
My testimony also comes from inexplicable feelings of peace. There have been many times when I’ve gone into the temple, read the Book of Mormon, prayed, sung a hymn, read the Ensign or listened to a conference talk when a great peace came and chased away my anxiety.
III.               
Prayer. Once I was praying very long and sincerely about my job. You may know that I’ve never liked being a lawyer. So I was begging for guidance. It didn’t come. But as I was praying, I started to think about other people and to pray for them. I especially thought of my children. “Bless Jeanette,” “Help Alicia” etc. I knew that the Holy Ghost had come upon me and was directing my mind towards blessing and loving others. The Holy Ghost will always do that, helping you to repair relationships and to fix dishonesty or pain that has arisen between you and others. It comes through sincere prayer.
I’ve found that politics, celebrity culture, social media, pornography, and other things often drown out the spirit and also make you feel stressed out and unhappy. Find a quiet place and pray for a long time. As long as it takes to get that spirit back. It will bring you true peace.
IV.               
The world. The world will chew you up and spit you out. The scriptures warn about both the devil and the world. The world has its own philosophy and its own sophistry. Be careful of it. You’ll hear so many ideas, cunningly told, in college, on the internet, in music. It will use your ego and will flatter you. It will tell you that you’re the victim to deceive you. It may be telling the truth and it may be lying, but it’s trying to gain power. People want to gain power by playing with the emotions of people. You MUST stay close to the spirit and remember who God is, who you are and who the people around you are. Children of God. Even the “evil” Republicans, Democrats, atheists, muslims (etc etc) are children of God.
Remember that the commandments are for your protection and blessing. They lay the foundation of a prosperous society and pave the path to God. To the extent they are abandoned, society will decay, your own life will decay.
A catholic priest named Ronald Knox said, “From the first, Christians must learn what it means to be unpopular.” Be prepared for that.  Jesus said, “If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you… If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you.”
But keep in mind that the world’s arguments will be powerful. It will make good points. For example, if Mormons have treated some people poorly, then they’ll point that out and it will sap you of confidence, making you wonder if you really are the “good guys.” But you have to keep in mind that JESUS is the good guy, not you. Your job, no matter how good or bad you have been, is to testify of him and his scriptures and his church. It doesn’t matter if you, or the church, have been hypocrites. Your job is to testify and be faithful and repent when you go wrong.
V.                
Debt. Be careful about getting into great debt, even for an education. Law school gave me “golden handcuffs” that forced me to remain a lawyer for longer than I wanted to. 10 years. I couldn’t afford to escape into a new degree, new training or a new career. If you want to spend SOME money on education, make sure you are getting training in a good career along the way. And the cheaper the better, so, if you don’t like it, it’s not hard to get new training in something else.
VI.               
Literature. I hope, and ask, that you read all of the works of CS Lewis. I don’t agree with everything he says, but he has written things of great wisdom, insight and beauty. Similarly, please see the youtube videos of John Lennox, the Christian mathematician and apologist.
Please also read The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom.
VII.
Feminism. Your mother and I disagree about feminism somewhat. I’m not going to tell you not to be a feminist, but I would ask you to not let it become a fundamental part of your worldview. There could be a world where men are more disadvantaged than women, but you might not be able to see it because you see the world only through the lens of oppression to your own gender. Look at the data, all the data, objectively. Consider the writings of Christina Hoff Sommers, (her books or her interviews, see youtube) and about social justice generally see Thomas Sowell.  I hope you will also watch the interviews of Dave Rubin who has explored many ideas from the left and the right and as a gay man and an atheist, has acknowledged a lot of nuance and goodness from different sides of the political divides in our country.
Also, remember that resentment and feeling like a victim can make you weaker. You can excuse your own bad behavior or attitude by saying, “At least I’m not bad like THAT person.” Some people use righteous indignation to excuse their own faults because they are afraid of owning up to their own shortcomings.
The key is to have humility and faith in Christ. Christ will forgive your sins and give you a second chance. Over and over again. But you have to be honest with Him or it doesn’t work.
IX.
Miracles in my life.
1.      The lamp.
2.      My best friend(s)
3.      French class, FLSR, Tessa.
4.      Dreams.
5.      A book, read it.
6.      Strange answers to prayer.
7.      Peace from the temple.
8.      Blessings.
X.
Keys to a happy life.
               Gratitude: Lots of studies have shown that having a grateful outlook helps you be happy.
“In one particular study, a group of participants was asked to write down five things that generated gratefulness once a week for ten weeks. In the other control groups, participants were asked to list five hassles or major events that occurred that past week. The results illustrated that those who expressed gratitude tended to feel more satisfied and optimistic with their lives. Their health received a boost as well; fewer physical symptoms (such as headaches, acne, coughing or nausea) were reported, and they spent more time exercising. It’s therefore been noted that gratitude investigations depict a correlation between mental and physical health.”
               It is also my opinion that God generally gives you blessings in proportion to your appreciation of them. So, tell God thank you!
               Dealing with anxiety. C S Lewis says that when we worry too much about the future, we bear today’s burdens and tomorrow’s burdens at the same time. And since there might be lots of bad things in the future, we might bear lots of burdens today that will never actually happen. So the buddhist people focus on staying in the present and not dwelling on the past or the future. That doesn’t mean don’t plan for the future or learn from the past. Just do it on purpose and then stop doing it when you need to be in the present.
               Methods: mindfulness meditation, increasing faith in God, self-talk, long prayers, listening to music.
               Also remember what the bible teaches. In Phillipians Chapter 4
Don’t be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all of your requests to God in your prayers and petitions, along with giving thanks. Then the peace of God that exceeds all understanding will keep your hearts and minds safe in Christ Jesus…. 12 I know the experience of being in need and of having more than enough; I have learned the secret to being content in any and every circumstance, whether full or hungry or whether having plenty or being poor. 13 I can endure all these things through the power of the one who gives me strength.”
               Remember that social media, advertisements and the news will all take a toll on your self-esteem. They’re designed to make you feel dissatisfied so that you’ll buy their product or vote for their candidate. Studies show this. Limit those things.
               Remember positive self talk. Tell yourself encouraging things. Great athletes do this. Tell the devil to go away when he tells you that you’re worthless, stupid, ugly, unloveable, unforgiveable. He’s wrong. You are a child of God. You have a divine nature and destiny. Just keep taking one step after another and you’ll make it, in faith.
XI.
What tolerance means. Joseph Smith made a big point of letting people live how they choose and to not persecute people for their personal choices or attributes. He was particularly talking about religious liberty, but the principle applies to many aspects of life. He said, “Mormons can testify whether I am willing to lay down my life for a Mormon; If it has been demonstrated that I have been willing to die for a Mormon I am bold to declare before heaven that I am just as ready to die for a Presbyterian, a baptist or any other denomination.” He would probably say that about gay couples, transgender people, blacks, drug addicts, Democrats, Republicans, muslims etc.
But he was also not shy about calling to repentance. Sometimes he was tactful and sometimes he wasn’t.
We should do it with tact. And is often best done through setting an example. When you’re defending the church, the best way to do it is by being winsome. Being winsome is like being positive and cheerful. If you are defending the church, it works best (usually) to be positive and say, “What I like about my church is … (you could say something about its focus on families, or how we help each other in the community, or how you feel close to God when you go to the temple, etc etc).”
Equality is ultimately based on Christian principles. As I said before, we are all made in the image of God, whether tall or short, beautiful or ugly, dumb or smart etc. In equality you have the difficult task of balancing justice and mercy. Most people err in giving too much weight to one or the other.
I think that modern universities are corrupt. They use our money to teach us bad values, atheism, and a false gospel they dress up in words like diversity, equality, oppression, etc. Those words take on new meaning though and stir you up into anger. I’m a lawyer, I know what that’s about. When you’re angry, flattered or forced into another strong emotion, you are easier to manipulate. Keep your head about you, remember your core principles, connect with the Holy Ghost, and you won’t be deceived.
But, don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. There has been oppression. Inequality is real. I have had to learn more tolerance and understanding for people unlike me. To understand the way people have struggled in ways I haven’t had to. 
If someone reveals a sin or something about themselves that they are ashamed of, then your first reaction is one of love. If they are in a weak place, then you should be gentle with your advice. Perhaps any advice you give is just to pray and don’t give up.
In your mind, you must not forget that mercy does not rob justice. But it can, and should, slow it down in tactful ways. But NEVER tell someone that a sin is okay, when it isn’t okay. The fact is that God loves us despite our sin not because our sin is “no big deal.”
               XII.
               Finishing what you start. Many times in my life I’ve started something only to quit later. It’s been a source of frustration and it has lowered my self-esteem. So, I started to make an effort to finish whatever I start. To not begin some project until I was committed to seeing it to conclusion. When you start a project, think about what you are committed to do. It’s okay to try something out for a while before you commit. But if you are going to commit, then give yourself some kind of a goal or deadline or accomplishment that you intend to achieve before you stop. Then keep doing it. It doesn’t matter if it goes slowly, or you make mistakes. Just keep plugging away, every day or every week or every month. You’ll make progress and eventually someone will say, “You’re so lucky for being good at that” when you know it wasn’t luck; it was diligence.

No comments:

Post a Comment